Hollowslut

It’s that time of year again. The leaves, succulent, bright shades of red, orange, and yellow fly through the air and fall to the ground, crunching harmoniously under weary feet. A cool breeze ruffles the air, and jackets, mittens, and hats arise from their summery hibernation. Oh, and the fact that it’s halloween gives thousands of teenage and twenty-something girls the excuse to dress like sluts.

Ever since Mean Girls ever so wisely portrayed a high school halloween party with ridiculously skimpy outfits, the problem has only gotten worse.

"I'm a mouse, duh!"

Last night, my roommate and I were weary from a day of studying. We were, of course, screwing around on facebook, because, come on, what else is there to do? Anyways, an ad popped up on her facebook for Yandy.com. Curious, we clicked upon the clickable, and were transported to a slut’s wonderland. Here are a few of our finds:

Yandy.com seems to be fascinated with pastry-themed costumes. There were about six different pastry chef costumes, each one becoming progressively more revealing, until the poor girl was basically wearing a bra, thong, and chefs hat. Alternatively, you can also dress up as a slutty version of the food:

"Oh my god you guys, i'm pie! Wanna pop my cherry?"

This one was called “Finding Clownfish,” in order to avoid copyright infringement. Not only does she not resemble in any way, shape, or form an actual clownfish, but she’s getting her skank all over my childhood.

"I don't speak whale, but I do speak dick."

Speaking of skanking all over my childhood, here’s their rendition of an etch-a-sketch. Because we know every elementary school boy dreamed of the day when he could bang his etch-a-sketch.

"Etch-a-sketch me like one of your french girls."

Yandy is also multi-cultural. There are too many slutty ninjas and geisha girls to count. Their rendition of a “native american” would have offended Andrew Jackson, and even their slutty eskimo made me want to head up to Saskatchawan and beg for forgiveness on behalf of my culture. But as if multi-cultural attire wasn’t sexy enough, let’s dress up as their food, too:

Okay, this is just racist.

"I'm sushi! You can eat me raw."

Have you ever watched Broadway’s 1977 smash-hit musical Annie and thought “Wow, I wish I could bang that orphan chick,” ? Well, good news, folks:

"I'll show you a 'hard' knocks life."

Broadway too sissy for your manly needs? Ever watched pro-wrestling or an MTV reality show and gone “wow, I wish there was a chick that was as hot as Hulk Hogan” ? Well, look no further:

"Watcha gonna do when hulkamania runs wild on you?"

Pro-wrestling too heathen for your blessed soul? Ever read the bible and thought Eve was one sexy mama?

"I ate from the tree of knowledge-- of how to fuck."

Jesus not your thing? Do you still enjoy all of Gods creatures? Do you ever wish that they had tits and were blonde?

I give you sexy shark:

"I don't bite- much."

and sexy duck:

"You don't need to use a rubber with this duck."

Hate the outdoors? Are you a pasty, couch-loving movie buff? There’s still a girl for you:

Perhaps you were a huge fan of the late Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange

"I'm like Alex-- my hobbies include rape, ultraviolence, and Beethoven. Only, who's Beethoven?"

Or perhaps this summer’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes was more your speed

"Caesar IS home."

My personal favorite: the sexy ticket

"I've got a ticket to ride."

There are so many more, I can’t even begin to scratch the surface. All I know is that whoever is behind Yandy.com is a genius. The outfits use such little fabric and cost so much money that they must be raking in the dough. Look, props to them. I for one an going to dress up as Phillip J. Frye this Halloween

Sexy.

To purchase any of these fine costumes, go to Yandy.com.

One thought on “Hollowslut

  1. That’s frickin genius! I can’t decide which one to buy for Halloween. I think I’m going to go as a sexy couch – just tape some cushions over my boobs and the remote over my chuff and hey presto!

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